Warboss Spuzgob's cries of rage could be heard all over the orc encampment. everyone was treading quietly - he'd already lopped the heads off a couple or Arrer Boyz for 'lookin at im funny' and had his second favourite boar spitted and roasted in a vain attempt eat his way out of his rage.
The anger had started when all that came back from the force he'd sent to investigate the latest rumours of Gork's or was it Mork's cup was a handful of night goblins and one spear chukka - and pretty ragged night gobs they were too. Still roast boar was having its effect and he was now calm enough to demand a report from the Night Goblin Big Boss.
"Well boss it was like this" - said the tired (but pleased to be alive gobbo)...
We woz all huntin' around for the cup when we 'erd this din up ahead. So I sez - ladz there's sum bovver coomin. So wez all getz ready and stuffs some mushrooms down a few of the ladz gullets, kick the big squigs to get 'em all riled like and them snotties pile on the pump wagon.
Well next thing we knowz there woz these right big bleeders commin towards us - wiv sum sorta huge hairy horse in the middle.
No probz we thought - Fizzer, our mage can toast that we thought - bloomin' daft thought that!
(Spuzgob growls at this point grabs a snotling and rips its head off - throwing it at the Night Goblin Big Boss, who being much more agile dodges it before hurriedly continuing)
So wez just about to get going when another free of dez massive bleeders turns up right up our bumz. Scared the wotsits out of me I can tell you.
Anwayz Fizzer pushes out one of the loonies and the snotties jump up and down and goes after em with their wagon. Hits em good 'n hard too, but when the dust settles thez still one left standing! And no loony, nor no wagon niever. And thems uvverz in front starts towards us.
Well we aint fer waiting ter be etten so wez goes for em. Push out all the loonies and the big boingers too - then all sorts of craziness kicks off. Thez casting magic fire and shooting great bloomin canons full er forks or summat. Blooming boinger is half full er tin, loonies don't go far enuff, crazy gobbos comes wooshing out er sky and hits da big hairy horse on its head - Fizzer makes it all goes dark and then thur's this bang and he falls over and goes all glassy eyed - and seems well I dunno some how normal.
Well I aint for getting full er tin neiver so I sets after 'em bangers geezers afor they can do it again - chases 'em off we did. The that big geezer from the back teks a try at fizzer and dem gobbos wiv bows, but although he ets loads ov em they stick him full er pins and he goes down.
(A squeak here as Spuzgob carried away with the story squeezes the life out of another snotling in his excitement)
Well we funk de big ass black orcs followed us but dey didna (an angry growl at this marks the passing of another snotling) - so next fing da big geezers and da hairy horse goes running past us. Dat Horse hits dem black orcs, da big mob a geezers hitz poor old Fizzer and da arrer gobbos.
Well we never saw Fizzer or 'is ladz again. But dem black orcs wuz mashed up bad too - but de biggest and baddest dey picks up dem big choppas dey have and lets dat hairy horse 'av it. Dat woz summat I can tell you - bits of horse everywhere. (A whoop and a crunch mark Spuzgob dancing about for joy - on top of yet another unfortunate snotling).
Well dem shooty boyz come back at us again so we haz ter chase 'em off again. Da wheely pigs hit dem uvver shooty types, but dey goes on and on hittin and hittin each uvver - till da wheely pigs run off. Dem shooty types can darn run fast even wiv dem big bangers I tell you.
Well then we haz it - da black orcs goz fer da big mob of 'em big bleeders. Well dat woz summat I tell you - but da one ov 'em he burps a load of flames and dat aint fair or nuffin ez it? So though they killz a fair few, da black orcs got ell bashed up and dead. And dem dere big bleeders takes out da crazy flyin gobbos too an all.
So me and der few ladz left scarper smartish and 'eadz on back fer a bit o elp!
++++++++++++
At which point fair readers we best draw a veil over the events at the orc camp. Suffice to say that although mightily entertained Warboss Spuzgob was not happy with the outcome of the evening's events and a lot of snotlings paid the ultimate sacrifice to calm him down.
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